Friday, October 30, 2009

An open letter to Jackson Rathbone

Dear Jackson:

Hi. How are you? I like you. Do you like me?

Check one: Yes No

Okay, maybe not.

Dear Jackson:

I have never written a letter like this in my life.

No, I learned my lesson on that from Sleepless in Seattle.

Dear Jackson:

I am writing to tell you how much I enjoy your talents. Your acting is versatile and lush. My favourite of your roles was when you were in Close to Home. It dealt with difficult subject matter and you were very authentic.

I bought your CD earlier this year and Honky Tonk Porcupine is in heavy rotation on my iTunes favourites list. Robot Timberwolves gets play too; and if you ever come to my neck of the woods, which I'm not about to disclose here (but email me, bb, and I'll spill), I will totally come see you. Absolutely.

I will even go so far as to say that I have a decent complement of pictures of you, both as Jackson and as Jasper, in my spank bank. Sorry for objectifying you; but it's safe to say I heart you hard.

Unfortunately, this brings us to something unpleasant. It's difficult for me to say this, but when you truly love someone you have to be honest.

I get that you're artistic, a musician, and you define your own style. You're not afraid to take chances or stand out, and I appreciate that very much. The photoshoot you did where you have the fauxhawk? I loved it. It was my Vista user account picture for ages.

Where I can't get behind you, though, is when you stride out in something like this:

**sigh** It gives me a sad, my darling. The hat isn't awful (it reminds me of the one my British granddad always wore, which you can take as you wish - though he did not wear it backwards). But the glasses? The coat? THE COAT. It's like you're intentionally attempting to make yourself look bad. I mean, my darling, you are beautiful. You have a wonderfully expressive face and a smile that makes my heart sing. I just don't get what you're going for. It's not even a matter of sloppy dressing - you don't just wake up and throw on a leather jacket with a faux-fur collar out of laziness. You have to seek that shit out.

I feel badly for you with the nasty-ass wig you've been stuck with for Eclipse and New Moon. I loved your hair in Twilight - I'm sure the blonde killed it, but surely the wigmaster could have come up with a better style, something closer to your own length and style (which I happen to love). But I assume that you didn't have a great deal of input into the styling for the Jasper character. Your own styling, though... **sigh**

Anyways, I'm just one little fanfic author who happens to heart you hard. Obviously my opinion is simply that.

I'm looking forward to seeing you in New Moon, and particularly in Eclipse where I hope you'll get to really flex your muscles, literally and figuratively.

Smooches infinity,
Katie Starfish


OnTheTurningAway said...

Hahahaha...I could *not* agree with you more, bb :)

Anonymous said...

so true.. the boy needs a STYLIST STAT!

Melinda said...

Back to the Future meets Star Trek meets pimp.