Tuesday night I’m pretty tired out, and I collapse into bed without bothering to open my laptop and check my email, as I usually do; so it is not until Wednesday night after the boys are in bed for the night, that an email from Jack pops up in my inbox. When I see his name in the sender field, my heart jumps into my throat. He didn’t reply to the email I sent with the PayPal payment, and I didn’t think I would hear from him again. With nothing in the subject line, I can’t get the damn thing open fast enough to see what it’s about.
It’s been a few weeks since you ended our relationship so suddenly. Now that I’ve had time to get my head back on straight, I’d like to have a conversation. I assume you get a few hours’ break here and there – I’d appreciate it if you would call me when you do. I have a couple of questions, and a few things to say; things I was too blindsided to think of, last time I saw you. If you cared about me, as you say you did, I think I deserve that much.
You know my schedule. Talk to you soon.
I stare at it for ages, reading and re-reading every word, analyzing them as well as the meaning behind them. It’s been a few weeks...now that I’ve had time to get my head back on straight... He hasn’t been doing well, but he believes it’s time for him to start to move on – whether he wants to or not. I assume you get a few hours’ break here and there... I never told him I did, that I could have been spending those hours on the phone with him instead of letting him believe I was busy. He must have figured it out; though; if so, he knows I wasn’t trustworthy even in such a simple thing. If you cared about me as you say you did...this one especially stings. Of course I care; I always did, from the first weekend. He knows I care. You know my schedule. I know his schedule; up until a few weeks ago I knew every goddamn thing that was going on in his life. I know him. Talk to you soon. This part is not a request; it’s an expectation.
I also take time to recognize the things the letter doesn’t say. It doesn’t say I miss you or I love you. It doesn’t say I hate you for what you did to us; it doesn’t say How could you throw away everything we had?
My promise to you is that I am going to have this sucker (DD 29) posted before I leave the province on Wednesday. It *will* happen. I have been writing almost constantly, whenever I have a few moments to spare. :)